"8 Unspoken Sexual Commandments"

1. if in a sexual drought, thou shall drive theeself crazy with the assumption that everyone else in the entire world is currently having the best sex anyone’s ever had

2. if in a relationship, thou shall forgo condoms when “acceptable” period of time has passed.
in this case, “acceptable period of time” is figured out by using a complex matrix involving some combination of how much time you’ve spent together, how many people you assume they’ve been with, a picture of their ex, the number of degrees you both possess, and how recently you’ve seen magic johnson on tv.

3. thou shall use masturbation as an efficient way to alleviate boredom, hunger, anxiety, confusion, anger, frustration, headaches, joint pain, excessive happiness, grief, loneliness, righteousness, despair, and self-esteem
***4a. when finished masturbat1ng, thou shall experience a small moment of euphoria quickly followed by intense self-loathing and regret when cleaning up***

4. if thou makes a sex tape, thou shall find a creative and unique way to accidentally misplace and/or share it with the public

5. thou shall not, under any circumstances, ever admit to having period sex
btw, “circumstances” includes any and all forms of torture (ie: waterboarding, boiling, aretha franklin bra-holding, etc)

6. thou shall blame all unexpected and unwanted pregnancies on broken condoms

7. thou shall injure thy self when attempting porn star acrobatics, and thou shall blame said injury on pick-up basketball or hereditary gout

--> LMFAO. via (very smart brothas)