You yell, you scream, you break some dishes. Then you make up and head right to the bedroom, where there's more screaming. But this time, the only thing you're both breaking is the sound barrier (and maybe the headboard). "When you fight, anger drives up testosterone in both men and women. If you go to bed with increased testosterone and agitation, the sex drive is going to be stronger," Fisher says. "And more fantasies may flood your mind, which increases stimulation."
You can reenact fighting—and the emotions that go along with it—without hurting each other, Cadell says. She suggests trying anything that will create a little physical tension between the two of you. Like . . .
Miniature golf. "You can do anything that's just a little competitive," says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and author in Atlanta. "Once you start competing, you can get physical and really work each other up."
Pillow fights. "It starts her hair flying and her breasts moving, and even gets her gasping a little for breath," Brame says. "There's something very sexual about that."
Naked wrestling. Hint: Let her win
2. Wedding Night Sex
It's her perfect day. She looks gorgeous (and she's been told that 493 times an hour). Her whole family is around her. And now she truly feels the comfort and security of having a husband.
"The reward system in her brain is going bonkers," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of . Physiologically, her feel-good chemicals—dopamine and epinephrine—are firing fast, meaning she's wired to feel euphoric and to give as much pleasure as she's receiving.
Even if you went on your honeymoon 12 years ago, or don't plan on going on one for another 12 years, you can create the spark by triggering her reward system. Try these tricks:
In the morning, use a ballpoint pen to write a sexy note somewhere on her body. Try the top of her thigh (prime real estate, with minimum exposure to coworkers). "Women are turned on by words," Fisher says. Start with "I," end with "you," and use the verb of your choice in between. Giving her 9 or 10 hours to see, think about, and fantasize about your note starts the percolation process.
When she comes home, try this move. While facing her, hold her head with both of your hands, tilt her head back, and gently kiss the side of her neck. "If you touch a woman the way she wants to be touched, she'll be all over you," says Paget. That means staying away from your traditional "go to" spots and kissing the parts of her body you usually ignore, like the back of her hand, the inside of her elbow, or her hipbone.
Now that you're under the covers, expand your repertoire of oral sex—a nice reward in itself. Paget suggests the Kivin method: You lie perpendicular to her body, which allows you to stroke her clitoris with your tongue in a crosswise motion, rather than up and down. She'll appreciate the change in stimulation—hopefully, enough to return the reward
3. Breakup Sex
It's like the day before a diet. Tomorrow I'll start, but today I'm going to enjoy one last order of chicken wings. You've decided together that the relationship isn't working, but what the hey, one last tryst won't hurt anyone. And it winds up being better than any you've had in the past 6 months for two reasons.
One's physical: Fisher says that there's some speculation among researchers that in so-called last-chance copulation, a man may unknowingly alter the levels of certain hormones in his semen, and that may trigger his partner to ovulate spontaneously. In other words, your subconscious tries to hold on to the commitment by potentially impregnating her, even though you don't want to.
The other reason is psychological: "When you know you're never going to see someone again, you want to leave her wanting you—and you'll do anything to drive her out of her mind," says Cadell. "So you both end up concentrating on being uninhibited."
To make a woman less inhibited, try to reduce her tension, says Brame. Try releasing it in her body—and in her brain.
Clean out the refrigerator (or anything that shortens her to-do list). Showing thoughtfulness and initiative will make her a more willing sex partner, says Paul Joannides, author of . While researching his book, Joannides talked to a female "escort" who had a valuable insight about her customers: "She said, 'I don't get it. These guys would get a lot more sex at home if they'd spend their money on a maid or cleaning service rather than spending it on me.'"
When massaging her, focus only on her earlobes, hands, and lower back—the unsung erotic spots. Hit the lower spine not only because that's where she stores a lot of tension, but also because you'll reach her pleasure zones in a more indirect path. Brame says, "This area is a nerve center with connections all over, so rubbing her lower spine could make her feel tingly in front."
4. Honey-I'm-Home Sex
If you haven't eaten all day, you pig out at dinner. Same with sex. If you're attached, a business trip equals massive sexual deprivation. It means the closest thing you're getting to regular sex is the midnight showing of the hotel's $14.99 adult movie. (Note: Titles do not appear on your bill.) So when you reach home, the deprivation turns into sexual gorging. "You usually find that this is the most romantic sex, because it starts out with long, luscious kisses that really get the juices flowing," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a California sexologist and author of .
You can simulate this kind of passion—whether you've been away for 8 days or 8 minutes—by giving her this kind of kiss, and in this order.
Kiss her face all over—lightly.
Lick the outside of her lips.
Kiss her bottom lip. "There's a correlation between a woman's bottom lip and her vagina. Sucking gently on her lip will make her vagina swell," Cadell says.
Gently suck her tongue. Cadell says, "I call kissing facial intercourse—it's really erotic."
5. Birthday Sex
It's clear who's doing the giving and who's doing the receiving—which means there's no pressure for the receiver to reciprocate, says Cadell. Because of that, there's a huge buildup of anticipation for the birthday boy. I wonder what she's going to give me this year!
For the 363 days of nonbirthday sex, you need to build that same anticipation between the two of you. You do it for her = she'll do it for you next time. Try this:
Tell her you want to take her somewhere special tonight. Then ask if she'll leave her underwear at home.
Take her to a place that plays Latin music. "Latin dancing is very sexual, especially the movement of the pelvis," Cadell says.
When you're back home, you can give her your present: the ultimate mind-blowing orgasm. Have her get on top of you and tilt her hips forward a little so that her clitoris hits your pelvis. The tilting also means your penis will hit her G-spot. Those two spots will be plenty, but for extra pleasure, seek out and caress or lightly stimulate other sensitive areas—her lips, her nipples, her bottom—with your hands or fingers. The goal: sensory pleasure. Work as many angles as you can dream up; she'll let you know what's working
"It's exciting because of the discovery quotient," says Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. "You're really tuned in to every sense, and you're feeling things for the first time." Another factor: Many men, especially those in long-term relationships, create a formula for what sex should be like. When that formula changes—as it often does with a new woman—it heightens excitement.
Maybe it's not your first time with her but your 501st. The key is playing with your senses—>or at least stimulating them in a new way. "When you take away one of the senses, the others work overtime," says Cadell. Here are a few ways to change the sensory experience.
Try Cadell's honey game: You're blindfolded; she hides a dab of honey somewhere on her body. You try to find it—using only your tongue.
Take a swig of champagne, then kiss her body while it's still in your mouth. The fizz will tingle.
Tie each other's feet together with her panty hose. Mild bondage heightens sexual urgency, Paget says
7. Vacation Sex
First, you're free from all the things that stress you out—the job, the bills, another late-season Red Sox fold. But the second reason Aruba sex is hotter than subdivision sex is the change in scenery. "There's a marking-the-territory factor for most men and women," Weston says. "Sex on vacation is a virginal experience in a way."
From the simple to the extravagant, you can take a vacation day any day (boss be damned!):
Turn upside down on the bed—feet at the pillow end. "Even doing something simple like hitting the bed at a different angle or sitting or standing up on the bed will add extra stimulation," Weston says.
Change the order of foreplay. "Remove the dip test from your repertoire," Paget says. "Any woman hates the kiss, kiss, kiss, tweak, tweak, tweak the nipple, dip, dip, dip to see if she's lubricated. That's a major turnoff." Instead, try kissing her neck, her inner thigh, then her pinkie finger or wherever else.
Move up and down her body like Ray Charles on ivory so she doesn't know where you're going next.
Check into an adult motel on your lunch hour. "That's a pretty short vacation," Cadell says. In Los Angeles, a hotel called Splash features Jacuzzis in themed rooms that you can rent by the hour. But you can go to any hotel, then serve her lunch. "One study showed that black licorice increases bloodflow to her genital area by 40 percent, but any food that's phallic can be an aphrodisiac for her," Cadell says. Save room for dessert.
(via Mens Health ♥)